Faust in Wonderland Commercial #27a "Birnam Wood Estates"
CONTRACTOR
Hey Mukkers! Ma name be Mac, yer Scottish contractor here tae tell ye 'bout our new housin' units for theatre stage folk. No matter whaur ye bide actors, we've got the wee place for ye!
REAL ESTATE AGENT
Thanks Mac. Hecate Gruoch here, senior sales representative for Birnam Wood Estates, a branch of Dunsinane Manor. Since ancient times, actors have lived in a staged world with just three sides. Well, now thanks to Mac and his minions, we're pleased to offer actor housing with an actual Fourth Wall!
CONTRACTOR
That be right Lassie. We can gie ye a haund wit that age-old problem, "It's frikkin' cold in here, whaur's the damned fower wall?" So dinna fash yersel, that icy fower wall be all in the past!
REAL ESTATE AGENT
The past is history here at Birnam Wood, Mac. Just imagine your theatrical world suddenly enclosed on all sides, private, and free from all forms of upstaging!
CONTRACTOR
Nae walloper director ta tell ye, "stage reit, counter, den cross." Ye be free to tell 'em awa'n bile your head! Tell that stage director he's got a face like a skelped erse!
REAL ESTATE AGENT
Well goodness, Mac, how Scottish colorful. Anyway, our fourth wall actor housing units come with all the amenities you can expect from a house without the house. Our fourth wall units offer actors a variety of staging options from aprons to wings...
CONTRACTOR
Freedom!
REAL ESTATE AGENT
...including features like presets, raked flooring and proscenium arches.
CONTRACTOR
So, don't be a numpty and stick yer bum oot the windae...yer aff yer heid iffin' ya don't get a fower wall!
REAL ESTATE AGENT
So, next time you're in Perthshire village, look for our wind-blown kilt signs pointing you to Birnam Wood Estates. At Birnam Wood, we treat you like a king by moving the landscape!
CONTRACTOR
She rite 'bout dat. An' while I wouldnae ride her in tae battle, my erse be outta me job if we can't sell more o' dese Jesse fower walls!
